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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Aging
Jokes
Wish
Twin
Look
Twins
Without
Surgery
Looks
Plastic
Like
Memorable
Comedian

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Never floss a stranger.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
Joan Rivers