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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Sexy
Romance
Forgotten
Sex
Since
Long
Love
Bunk
Life
Ties

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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Never floss a stranger.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers