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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Life
Ties
Sexy
Romance
Forgotten
Sex
Since
Long
Love
Bunk

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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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