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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Later
Hilarious
Months
Dishes
Humor
Memorable
Start
Comedian
Funny
Six
Hate
Bed
Beds
Women
Jokes
Chores
Make
Luck
Housework

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
Joan Rivers
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
Joan Rivers
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
Joan Rivers
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
Joan Rivers
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
Joan Rivers