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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Months
Dishes
Humor
Memorable
Start
Comedian
Funny
Six
Hate
Bed
Beds
Women
Jokes
Chores
Make
Luck
Housework
Later
Hilarious
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
Joan Rivers
I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
Joan Rivers
Self-pity shortens your life.
Joan Rivers