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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Hate
Bed
Beds
Women
Jokes
Chores
Make
Luck
Housework
Later
Hilarious
Months
Dishes
Humor
Memorable
Start
Comedian
Funny
Six

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
Joan Rivers
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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Better laid than never.
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Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
Joan Rivers
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
Joan Rivers
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
Joan Rivers
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
Joan Rivers
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
Joan Rivers
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
Joan Rivers
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
Joan Rivers
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers