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An overweight guy went to the doctor who advised him to try a keep fit DVD. But the guy said he couldn't be bothered. “Well” suggested the doctor, “try something that leaves you a little short of breath.” So the buy took up smoking.
Jo Brand
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Jo Brand
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: May 3
Actor
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Nurse
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Wandsworth Town
Josephine Grace Brand
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More quotes by Jo Brand
I'm a Luddite with computers, and I'm slightly worried about being hacked as well.
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By crying on my bed, drinking quite a lot and feeling tempted by drugs. Well, just not reading it to be perfectly honest with you. I know it's a bit of a copout.
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I used to get a lot of people saying 'Oh, you are such a lucky granny.' But the fact of the matter is you can be a grandma at 35 these days.
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I think I'd concentrate on young women - particularly girls at school - and I would try and build into school curriculums much more education about relationships and how girls (and boys) can handle them: stuff about consent and that sort of thing.
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I think some people ramp a side of themselves up for performance purposes.
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My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma.
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So, my style has hopefully changed over the years and it is more relaxed, and I do tend to smile and have more than one expression these days hopefully - which I didn't at the beginning.
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Everything becomes magnified at night. Sounds travel in a different way, it's dark, and everything seems far more spooky.
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Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?
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I have such admiration for single mothers. I simply don't comprehend how you'd cope with that intensity, the lack of breaks, ever, on your own.
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There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics it's something to do with the social structure of society.
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I've never been a fan of euphemism.
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Men are fantastic - as a concept.
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I have big friends who won't go swimming because they're too embarrassed about it. I feel that's such a shame, because actually people should be encouraging fat people who are exercising to do it, not pointing and laughing.
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I think a lot of women are incredibly tough and they're just really admirable. Especially the way that, given what they've got, they just manage to carry on.
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I think there's a far more general audience now because I've done more populist stuff on telly.
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I'd love to live in Kent but it's all a question of work.
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I don't know really, it doesn't feel like it has changed to me but I think to have to move with the times. Try out different areas and not get stuck in 1978.
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Having children is fab. They keep me young and make me get up in the morning.
Jo Brand
I like men. They are hugely entertaining, but they have a lot of shortcomings and you just have to bear those in mind.
Jo Brand