Quote

I've been breastfeeding for two years. I could light the gas ring with my nipples.

Jo Brand

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Jo Brand
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: May 3
Actor
Actress
Autobiographer
Comedian
Novelist
Nurse
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Wandsworth Town
Josephine Grace Brand
Light
Years
Nipples
Gas
Ring
Rings
Two

More quotes by Jo Brand

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Not many women will go out on a limb to make themselves really unattractive and unfeminine so you can get the laughs, but it's a great thing to do in my book.
Jo Brand
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My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking.
Jo Brand
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I don't hold any candle for drama versus comedy.
Jo Brand
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Everything becomes magnified at night. Sounds travel in a different way, it's dark, and everything seems far more spooky.
Jo Brand
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I went on the pill when I was 16, put on four stone... so that proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Jo Brand
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With proper acting, I don't know what I would play - I got sent a script for a play, and it said in the notes that my proposed character was 'hideously fat and ugly'. That made my day. I mean, I do know I am no oil painting.
Jo Brand
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I think the key attributes for a good speaker are someone that's articulate and someone that puts a fair amount of humour into what they do.
Jo Brand
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I like reading, I like boring things, and yet I think people for ages had this image of me that I was on the tube with a chainsaw looking for any likely candidate.
Jo Brand
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I think my comedy, the put-downs I do to hecklers, are the accumulated bitterness of years of people feeling that it's perfectly acceptable to make a comment on your appearance when they don't even know you.
Jo Brand
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By crying on my bed, drinking quite a lot and feeling tempted by drugs. Well, just not reading it to be perfectly honest with you. I know it's a bit of a copout.
Jo Brand
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Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?
Jo Brand
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In the end, punk inevitably burned itself out and acted as a bridge across which the New Romantics could sashay in their chiffon and glossy hair.
Jo Brand
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I think people tend to believe that women who are successful are probably neglecting their children, possibly a bit hard-nosed and that they don't really support other women very much - that they're men-haters and ball-breakers. I've certainly been on the receiving end of those 'compliments' for most of my career.
Jo Brand
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Over the years I attempted to make my style a bit more relaxed 'cause the initial style you couldn't watch for more than ten minutes without wanting to kill me.
Jo Brand
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School was great. There were no boys there, which didn't really bother me at the time because I had two brothers, so I was quite pleased not to spend any more time with boys.
Jo Brand
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The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.
Jo Brand
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I'm just trying to spread the word and upturn the myth that actually you should be resting after cancer treatment. You shouldn't you should be getting out and doing any kind of exercise you can. You don't have to run a marathon, but you just have to up your activity levels.
Jo Brand
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Some men are deeply likable but have attitudes I don't like. Does that mean I should completely dismiss them? It's like saying: if someone votes Tory can you like them? And, yes, I can. I have friends who vote Tory, and I'm appalled, but that's not to say they're not great people in so many other ways. We have a tendency to oversimplify things.
Jo Brand
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I remember when Victoria Wood started to come through, and I thought she was great, though she and I are very different in our approach.
Jo Brand
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I buy smoked mackerel in a vain attempt at being healthy. I do actually really like it, and you don't have to cook it, which is handy.
Jo Brand