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My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking.

Jo Brand

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Jo Brand
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: May 3
Actor
Actress
Autobiographer
Comedian
Novelist
Nurse
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Wandsworth Town
Josephine Grace Brand
Three
Breath
Breaths
Doctors
Exercise
Took
Told
Week
Smoking
Times
Doctor

More quotes by Jo Brand

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There's lots of different feminist groups. It's not as straightforward as just looking like a plumber.
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I did try when I wasn't doing the singing to do as much comedy as I could because I thought with Comic Relief you are duty bound to anyway.
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I think there's a far more general audience now because I've done more populist stuff on telly.
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No one I know is actually so rude as to tell me I've become duller since having children. But I'm sure they think it.
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They say revenge is a dish best eaten cold, but for most people, by the time it's ready to eat, they just don't fancy it any more.
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I tried to eat better too, but when you're on tour you literally just eat some hideous pork pie on the motorway on the way to a show. It's a really unhealthy lifestyle: you're up late, drinking loads of coffee to stay awake, drinking loads of alcohol because you're socialising with people.
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There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.
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By crying on my bed, drinking quite a lot and feeling tempted by drugs. Well, just not reading it to be perfectly honest with you. I know it's a bit of a copout.
Jo Brand
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I don't like doing stand-up, because I don't like standing up.
Jo Brand
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When I was a nurse I never had much money, and I was still happy then.
Jo Brand
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I'm just trying to spread the word and upturn the myth that actually you should be resting after cancer treatment. You shouldn't you should be getting out and doing any kind of exercise you can. You don't have to run a marathon, but you just have to up your activity levels.
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One thing lots of Christians do have in common is that they can't help coming across as smug. This winds lots of people up, particularly because famous Christians pronounce on the life of the poor from their very lovely affluent homes filled with their very lovely families and attractive pets.
Jo Brand
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I went on the pill when I was 16, put on four stone... so that proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Jo Brand
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Men are fantastic - as a concept.
Jo Brand
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With proper acting, I don't know what I would play - I got sent a script for a play, and it said in the notes that my proposed character was 'hideously fat and ugly'. That made my day. I mean, I do know I am no oil painting.
Jo Brand
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How do you conduct an intimate relationship where no one ever loses it? Where no one ever lashes out, where no one ever smacks anyone in the mouth?
Jo Brand
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I'd love to live in Kent but it's all a question of work.
Jo Brand
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As the Tories know, the problem with setting yourself up as a shining example for others to follow is that when you get caught out, that proverbial substance really hits the fan.
Jo Brand
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With two small children, I haven't had a wash since 2001 so the chance to go shopping is way down the list. It is something I do intend to get.
Jo Brand
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One thing Christians do have in common is that they can't help coming across as smug.
Jo Brand