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I'm too nervous to eat before I go onstage, and I'll usually eat out after the performance or when I get home at midnight.

Jo Brand

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Jo Brand
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: May 3
Actor
Actress
Autobiographer
Comedian
Novelist
Nurse
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Wandsworth Town
Josephine Grace Brand
Onstage
Midnight
Performance
Nervous
Performances
Usually
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More quotes by Jo Brand

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Having done a normal job for 10 years, as a psychiatric nurse dealing with emergencies, I know what terrible, hopeless lives some people have. So in many ways, it's great to be able to wield the financial power that I can, and do gigs, fundraisers or give money. I feel lucky I can help out.
Jo Brand
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When I got married, the Sun ran the headline: Here comes the bride, all fat and wide. Luckily, it was a few days after the wedding - but it was still hideous to read at a great romantic moment.
Jo Brand
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On the whole, you can have a private life and be famous. But when milestones happen in your life like having children or getting married, privacy goes out of the window.
Jo Brand
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Regular panelists on shows can be terrifying. They own that space, and many guest comics suspect they are favoured in the edit, while their own hilarious jokes end up being ejected into the ether.
Jo Brand
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I must be an anorexic because an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person.
Jo Brand
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Television provokes strong opinions, and sometimes we try a bit too hard to appeal to everyone.
Jo Brand
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I tried to eat better too, but when you're on tour you literally just eat some hideous pork pie on the motorway on the way to a show. It's a really unhealthy lifestyle: you're up late, drinking loads of coffee to stay awake, drinking loads of alcohol because you're socialising with people.
Jo Brand
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I think my comedy, the put-downs I do to hecklers, are the accumulated bitterness of years of people feeling that it's perfectly acceptable to make a comment on your appearance when they don't even know you.
Jo Brand
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I tend to think the world is a bit of a miserable place, so anyone who can add to people's optimistic, cheerful side is doing a good job, which is what I hope I'm doing.
Jo Brand
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I've never trained as an actor. I've always thought I'm not a good actor. I've been told I'm not a good actor by a lot of people.
Jo Brand
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Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?
Jo Brand
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Having children is fab. They keep me young and make me get up in the morning.
Jo Brand
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Punk allowed women to stop looking feminine. Oh, the relief.
Jo Brand
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So, my style has hopefully changed over the years and it is more relaxed, and I do tend to smile and have more than one expression these days hopefully - which I didn't at the beginning.
Jo Brand
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Everything becomes magnified at night. Sounds travel in a different way, it's dark, and everything seems far more spooky.
Jo Brand
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They say revenge is a dish best eaten cold, but for most people, by the time it's ready to eat, they just don't fancy it any more.
Jo Brand
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I like men. They are hugely entertaining, but they have a lot of shortcomings and you just have to bear those in mind.
Jo Brand
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The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.
Jo Brand
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I don't hold any candle for drama versus comedy.
Jo Brand
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How do you conduct an intimate relationship where no one ever loses it? Where no one ever lashes out, where no one ever smacks anyone in the mouth?
Jo Brand