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I don't like doing stand-up, because I don't like standing up.

Jo Brand

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Jo Brand
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: May 3
Actor
Actress
Autobiographer
Comedian
Novelist
Nurse
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Wandsworth Town
Josephine Grace Brand
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More quotes by Jo Brand

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I must be an anorexic because an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person.
Jo Brand
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There's something people do to you when they bully you that makes you feel like you're on your own. But don't keep things inside, it's really damaging if you do.
Jo Brand
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No one I know is actually so rude as to tell me I've become duller since having children. But I'm sure they think it.
Jo Brand
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I have big friends who won't go swimming because they're too embarrassed about it. I feel that's such a shame, because actually people should be encouraging fat people who are exercising to do it, not pointing and laughing.
Jo Brand
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Having done a normal job for 10 years, as a psychiatric nurse dealing with emergencies, I know what terrible, hopeless lives some people have. So in many ways, it's great to be able to wield the financial power that I can, and do gigs, fundraisers or give money. I feel lucky I can help out.
Jo Brand
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So, my style has hopefully changed over the years and it is more relaxed, and I do tend to smile and have more than one expression these days hopefully - which I didn't at the beginning.
Jo Brand
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Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?
Jo Brand
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I'm a real Kentish maid, you know.
Jo Brand
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One thing lots of Christians do have in common is that they can't help coming across as smug. This winds lots of people up, particularly because famous Christians pronounce on the life of the poor from their very lovely affluent homes filled with their very lovely families and attractive pets.
Jo Brand
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I think the key attributes for a good speaker are someone that's articulate and someone that puts a fair amount of humour into what they do.
Jo Brand
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I think my comedy, the put-downs I do to hecklers, are the accumulated bitterness of years of people feeling that it's perfectly acceptable to make a comment on your appearance when they don't even know you.
Jo Brand
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I'd love to live in Kent but it's all a question of work.
Jo Brand
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When I got married, the Sun ran the headline: Here comes the bride, all fat and wide. Luckily, it was a few days after the wedding - but it was still hideous to read at a great romantic moment.
Jo Brand
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Television provokes strong opinions, and sometimes we try a bit too hard to appeal to everyone.
Jo Brand
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I find it difficult to judge myself, but people say that I have become a bit more socially acceptable over the years in terms of my material which apparently at the beginning - though I never really intended it to be - was man hating and now is just a bit more cuddly.
Jo Brand
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School was great. There were no boys there, which didn't really bother me at the time because I had two brothers, so I was quite pleased not to spend any more time with boys.
Jo Brand
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My preference is swimming in the sea. I find the sea is more liberating, wild and good fun rather than plodding up and down a pool.
Jo Brand
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When you get to know someone, you find there's something nasty in their woodshed.
Jo Brand
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There are problems with nursing - such as the issue of nurses all having to do degrees these days. But that doesn’t mean to say the entire infrastructure of nursing is falling about and that it is populated by unfeeling psychopaths, which is, frankly, the implication sometimes.
Jo Brand
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They say revenge is a dish best eaten cold, but for most people, by the time it's ready to eat, they just don't fancy it any more.
Jo Brand