Quote

How do you conduct an intimate relationship where no one ever loses it? Where no one ever lashes out, where no one ever smacks anyone in the mouth?

Jo Brand

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Jo Brand
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: May 3
Actor
Actress
Autobiographer
Comedian
Novelist
Nurse
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Wandsworth Town
Josephine Grace Brand
Ever
Smack
Conduct
Intimate
Mouth
Mouths
Relationship
Loses
Smacks
Anyone
Lashes

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There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.
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There's still this underlying image of women that they should fulfil a certain role. It's no accident that a lot of men who are a bit misogynistic tend to say things like 'get back to the kitchen' or 'why aren't you at home looking after the kids'.
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The funny thing is, I don't actually think of myself as fat at all. I don't think I am. Not really.
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I pay a bit more than lip-service to health: I don't eat chips or pre-prepared food, and it might be a comedy sacrilege to admit I do like vegetables, fruit and salad and stuff.
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I'm too nervous to eat before I go onstage, and I'll usually eat out after the performance or when I get home at midnight.
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My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma.
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I swam at school a lot. Long-distance swimming in pools, and diving, then when we moved to Hastings when I was 13 I used to swim in the sea all the time I loved it out of season and when it was rough.
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I think the key attributes for a good speaker are someone that's articulate and someone that puts a fair amount of humour into what they do.
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It's actually very hard when you're settled in one place to completely uproot yourself and go.
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Suffice to say, many women find their first appearance on a comedy panel show to be their last. Second chances seem to be given less often to the female of the species.
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One of the guys that used to run it - for some reason I've no idea why he used to call me the Sea Monster and I was just looking around for a name and thought that'll do. That lasted for a couple of years probably.
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People can forgive each other.
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They say revenge is a dish best eaten cold, but for most people, by the time it's ready to eat, they just don't fancy it any more.
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There's something people do to you when they bully you that makes you feel like you're on your own. But don't keep things inside, it's really damaging if you do.
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On the whole, you can have a private life and be famous. But when milestones happen in your life like having children or getting married, privacy goes out of the window.
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It's very difficult to learn not to take nasty heckles personally.
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I think it's difficult, if you're a quite private person like I am, to write about your life very intimately.
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I have big friends who won't go swimming because they're too embarrassed about it. I feel that's such a shame, because actually people should be encouraging fat people who are exercising to do it, not pointing and laughing.
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Having done a normal job for 10 years, as a psychiatric nurse dealing with emergencies, I know what terrible, hopeless lives some people have. So in many ways, it's great to be able to wield the financial power that I can, and do gigs, fundraisers or give money. I feel lucky I can help out.
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Regular panelists on shows can be terrifying. They own that space, and many guest comics suspect they are favoured in the edit, while their own hilarious jokes end up being ejected into the ether.
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