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When you get to know someone, you find there's something nasty in their woodshed.

Jo Brand

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Jo Brand
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: May 3
Actor
Actress
Autobiographer
Comedian
Novelist
Nurse
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Wandsworth Town
Josephine Grace Brand
Woodshed
Nasty
Someone
Find
Something

More quotes by Jo Brand

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Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?
Jo Brand
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My mum taught me to knit when I was a child, and I turn to it, for some weird reason, when I'm feeling depressed.
Jo Brand
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I must be an anorexic because an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person.
Jo Brand
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Privatisation splits hospital services into increasingly small packages.
Jo Brand
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How do you conduct an intimate relationship where no one ever loses it? Where no one ever lashes out, where no one ever smacks anyone in the mouth?
Jo Brand
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My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking.
Jo Brand
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When I got married, the Sun ran the headline: Here comes the bride, all fat and wide. Luckily, it was a few days after the wedding - but it was still hideous to read at a great romantic moment.
Jo Brand
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Regular panelists on shows can be terrifying. They own that space, and many guest comics suspect they are favoured in the edit, while their own hilarious jokes end up being ejected into the ether.
Jo Brand
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As the Tories know, the problem with setting yourself up as a shining example for others to follow is that when you get caught out, that proverbial substance really hits the fan.
Jo Brand
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I think actors go along a continuum from Simon Callow down to kind of Ross Kemp, and I like to think of myself as the Ross Kemp of comedy. He's very good in 'East Enders' because he plays a version of himself. I think I can play a version of myself - that's about all I can do.
Jo Brand
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Let's face it: I am not a professional runner.
Jo Brand
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The funny thing is, I don't actually think of myself as fat at all. I don't think I am. Not really.
Jo Brand
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I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully.
Jo Brand
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Being Christian towards poor people means trying to improve their lives and give them back some self-respect.
Jo Brand
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When I was a nurse I never had much money, and I was still happy then.
Jo Brand
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So, my style has hopefully changed over the years and it is more relaxed, and I do tend to smile and have more than one expression these days hopefully - which I didn't at the beginning.
Jo Brand
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I pay a bit more than lip-service to health: I don't eat chips or pre-prepared food, and it might be a comedy sacrilege to admit I do like vegetables, fruit and salad and stuff.
Jo Brand
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I think I'd concentrate on young women - particularly girls at school - and I would try and build into school curriculums much more education about relationships and how girls (and boys) can handle them: stuff about consent and that sort of thing.
Jo Brand
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I suspect most politicians feel overwhelmed because people's lives are a real struggle, full of unhappiness, and you would probably feel powerless to do anything about it.
Jo Brand
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I'm not a flag waver for obesity. It's not healthy, and you have a crap life because there is such a downer on it.
Jo Brand