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You're sitting there, with your wife and your baby and your smiling dog, and you're watching Real Housewives getting into fistfights on TV. And you go, 'How great is my life? I'm so happy right now.'
Jimmy Fallon
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Jimmy Fallon
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: September 19
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
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Television Actor
Television Host
Television Presenter
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Brooklyn
New York
James Thomas Fallon
James Thomas Jimmy Fallon
James Thoms Fallon
James Fallon
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More quotes by Jimmy Fallon
President Obama unveiled a $4 trillion budget for 2016 that would increase taxes on the wealthy and spend more money on education. He also made a snowball and put it in the oven, just to see which would last longer, his budget or the snowball.
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Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.'
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Yesterday, the White House confirmed that President Obama will meet with Pope Francis during his visit in September. Some experts are wondering if they'll discuss their disagreement over contraception. Then Joe Biden said, 'I didn't even know they were dating.'
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In a recent interview, John McCain addressed Trump's campaign rally in Arizona and said that he just quote, 'fired up the crazies.' Not to be confused with Trump's show 'Celebrity Apprentice,' where he just FIRED the crazies.
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Hillary Clinton wrote an Op-Ed for a paper in Iowa about her plans to help the middle class. Middle-class Americans said, 'Why didn't you just say that in a speech?' and she said, 'Because I charge $200,000 for a speech.'
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This week a man was arrested for jumping over the White House fence and trying to spray paint a political message. If that guy really wanted to get a message to the president, he could have just written it in an email to literally anyone.
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When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.
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There are reports that if Joe Biden runs for president, he would promise to serve for only one term - because nothing says confidence like promising your presidency would be over quickly.
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Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them.
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This week, Georgia's board of education approved a plan that allows teachers to keep using the word Evolution when teaching biology. Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called Jesus Horses.
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Donald Trump got in some trouble for saying that John McCain is not a war hero, and said, 'I like people that weren't captured.' Not good. In fact, Trump's people are telling him to lay low for a while until this all combs over.
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Shouldn't every day be Earth Day? I mean, what are our options?
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Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around.
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Happy birthday to Arnold Palmer, who turned 82. That's 41 years iced tea and 41 years lemonade.
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