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You've never had a job that you thought was secure. You don't think the Tonight Show is risk free. Especially when you saw what happened with your buddy Conan O'Brien. There is always a Plan B.I am ready to apply to the post office.
Jimmy Fallon
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Jimmy Fallon
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: September 19
Actor
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James Thomas Fallon
James Thomas Jimmy Fallon
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More quotes by Jimmy Fallon
We're into tech stuff, gadgets, phones, video games. We'll treat a video game premiere like a movie premiere. I'm just going to be honest with what I like and what I do. What I enjoy. We're not going to hide the fact that people are on the Internet all day. I think a lot of shows don't really mention that.
Jimmy Fallon
My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream.
Jimmy Fallon
We have first lady Michelle Obama on the show tonight. As you'd expect, security's been pretty tight. On my way in I got five pat-downs, and that was just from Joe Biden.
Jimmy Fallon
Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia.
Jimmy Fallon
This week Bill Clinton tweeted a photo of himself reading George W. Bush's new book '41.' Then George W. Bush responded to that post on Instagram. Then John McCain said 'You two are hilarious' by telegraph.
Jimmy Fallon
Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration thing.
Jimmy Fallon
President Obama became the first sitting president to visit a federal prison yesterday. Obama said it was a good chance to talk about prison reform, and to catch up with so many former congressmen.
Jimmy Fallon
After President Obama announced his support for net neutrality yesterday, Texas Senator Ted Cruz tweeted that 'Net neutrality is Obamacare for the Internet.' While Ted Cruz continues to be the Taylor Swift of not getting over Obamacare.
Jimmy Fallon
Congrats to Prince William and Kate Middleton, who welcomed a baby girl on Saturday. The royal baby weighed eight pounds - or around 12 American dollars.
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Today Russia announced that it will join America's fight with the terror group ISIS. Then Putin said, But I did not say which side.
Jimmy Fallon
Joe Biden will speak to the nation's largest gay rights group during a human rights convention on Friday. Then on Saturday, he is scheduled to speak to them again to apologize for whatever he said in Friday's speech.
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In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.
Jimmy Fallon
In several speeches and interviews, Donald Trump has brought up his book 'The Art of the Deal,' and said that Obama would have negotiated a better deal with Iran if he had read it. It got even more awkward for Obama when Iran was like, 'It worked for us - you guys got screwed!'
Jimmy Fallon
Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, 'But just for Lent. We'll start again on Monday.'
Jimmy Fallon
Sources say the Obama administration is in the 'final stages' of planning the closing of Guantanamo Bay. The way it's gonna work is, they're going to put a Radio Shack sign out front and let nature take its course.
Jimmy Fallon
Another scandal for Hillary Clinton - they're saying she used a private email address when she was secretary of state, which means the government couldn't archive and preserve her emails. Then Obama said, 'Don't worry, we saw them. We see everyone's emails.'
Jimmy Fallon
There's always going to be someone out there... who doesn't believe in you or who thinks your head is too big or you're not smart enough. But those are the people you need to ignore, and those are the times you need to just keep doing what you love doing.
Jimmy Fallon
Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage.
Jimmy Fallon
Director Ken Burns revealed that his next documentary is about Franklin Roosevelt, and it's fourteen hours long...which sounds like too much, until you realize there's been over thirty hours of TV dedicated to Honey Boo Boo.
Jimmy Fallon
I was into the Mets because my Dad worked at IBM where he got free Mets tickets, so I was into the Mets... then I got to 'Saturday Night Live' where my boss has unbelievable N.Y. Yankees tickets, so he invites us to the games. I'm going to all the games, so I might as well root for the team I'm gonna go sit with.
Jimmy Fallon