Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
President Obama is launching a new $6 billion space policy that will ultimately take astronauts to Mars. Of course, it's $6 billion and $45 if the astronauts have a carry-on.
Jimmy Fallon
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Jimmy Fallon
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: September 19
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
James Thomas Fallon
James Thomas Jimmy Fallon
James Thoms Fallon
James Fallon
Policy
Launching
Courses
Astronaut
Course
Mars
Space
Billion
President
Billions
Take
Ultimately
Carry
Obama
Astronauts
More quotes by Jimmy Fallon
The Department of Agriculture announced that it will ban six new strains of E. coli. Which explains why the hot dog vendor outside my building is now just selling napkins.
Jimmy Fallon
In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.
Jimmy Fallon
A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In a related story, guys with an accordion will die alone.
Jimmy Fallon
A tell-all book by David Axelrod, one of President Obama's former strategists, reveals that Obama chose Joe Biden as his VP because of his energy and enthusiasm. You know, the qualities you look for in someone whose main job is traveling to state funerals.
Jimmy Fallon
A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads Convicted Shoplifter. However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading I'd Rather Be Stealing!.
Jimmy Fallon
Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I'd have an excuse.
Jimmy Fallon
Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.'
Jimmy Fallon
There's a growing trend of older Americans who are using marijuana in their retirement. That makes sense because old people are always talking about their joints.
Jimmy Fallon
After Donald Trump wrote Lindsey Graham's cellphone number on a piece of paper and showed it to everybody, Graham said he's getting a new phone. Which explains Lindsey Graham's latest campaign slogan, 'New phone, who dis?'
Jimmy Fallon
New Scientist magazine reported that in the future, cars could be powered by hazelnuts. That's encouraging, considering an eight-ounce jar of hazelnuts costs about nine dollars. Yeah, I've got an idea for a car that runs on bald eagle heads and Faberge eggs.
Jimmy Fallon
A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.
Jimmy Fallon
People ask me, Jimmy, howd you get here tonight. Lets just say it involved a two-hour make-out session with Elaine Stritch. It got pretty heavy actually, I almost had to host.
Jimmy Fallon
Yesterday in Florida, President Obama kissed a woman on the cheek after she told him he looks good. Which explains why last night, Michelle made him sleep on Air Mattress One.
Jimmy Fallon
Shouldn't every day be Earth Day? I mean, what are our options?
Jimmy Fallon
Hillary Clinton has a $350 billion plan that she says will make college more affordable. Which has to be better than my parents' plan to make college affordable: 'Be good at sports.'
Jimmy Fallon
It's being reported that Google spent over $5 million on lobbying just during the first quarter of this year. You'd think Google wouldn't really need to lobby politicians. All they have to say is, 'We have your search history. Do what we tell you.'
Jimmy Fallon
I didn't invent the rainy day. I just own the best umbrella.
Jimmy Fallon
Hillary Clinton wrote an Op-Ed for a paper in Iowa about her plans to help the middle class. Middle-class Americans said, 'Why didn't you just say that in a speech?' and she said, 'Because I charge $200,000 for a speech.'
Jimmy Fallon
Thank you... adjustable baseball caps with no logo on the front and mesh netting in the back, for being a great way to say, 'Hi, I'm over 80 years old.'
Jimmy Fallon
Today is Earth Day. Environmentalists spent the day drawing attention to the Earth, while the Earth just spent the day checking Facebook to see which planets wished it a happy Earth Day.
Jimmy Fallon