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I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep.

Jimmy Fallon

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Jimmy Fallon
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: September 19
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
James Thomas Fallon
James Thomas Jimmy Fallon
James Thoms Fallon
James Fallon
Funny
Definitely
Fall
Laugh
Give
Late
Giving
Laughing
Something
Anyone
Attention
Asleep
Lasts
Seconds
Last
Dumb

More quotes by Jimmy Fallon

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The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him.
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This week a man was arrested for jumping over the White House fence and trying to spray paint a political message. If that guy really wanted to get a message to the president, he could have just written it in an email to literally anyone.
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In a new interview, Herman Cain said that if Rick Perry were an ice cream flavor, he'd be 'Rocky Road.' I don't know, Perry's not really any flavor of ice cream. He's just the brain freeze part.
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Vladimir Putin bribed a soccer official with a Picasso painting so he would support Russia's bid to host the 2018 World Cup. Putin was like, 'It wasn't Picasso, just picture of what his face would look like if he said no.' (Nose over here, eye up here, ear in forehead.)
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Hillary Clinton wrote an Op-Ed for a paper in Iowa about her plans to help the middle class. Middle-class Americans said, 'Why didn't you just say that in a speech?' and she said, 'Because I charge $200,000 for a speech.'
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There couldn't have been a better Hollywood ending for us. It's beyond baseball. It's rooting for your family.
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During an interview, former President George W. Bush discussed his painting hobby and said, 'Never paint your wife or your mother.' Then he added, 'Because it's almost impossible to get the paint out of their hair.'
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I can't believe there are so many people who aren't us.
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You only think of the best comeback when you leave.
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I feel like I'm being too Zen. I'm inhaling too much patchouli and incense. It's embarrassing.
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Barnes & Noble CEO William Lynch just announced that he is stepping down after three years. When asked if he's looking for a new job, he was like, 'Nah, just browsing.'
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Former New York Governor George Pataki may enter the race for president. It's not definite, but he tweeted that he'll announce his 2016 plans on May 28 in New Hampshire. Well, what's he gonna do, go to New Hampshire to say he's NOT running? That's like getting down on one knee and saying, 'I think it's time to see other people.'
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Tomorrow President Obama will host NASCAR racing champion Kevin Harvick at the White House. They both said they look forward to spending an hour or two not having the slightest interest in what the other is saying.
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I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, 'Thanks, Bo Obama.'
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Yesterday, the White House confirmed that President Obama will meet with Pope Francis during his visit in September. Some experts are wondering if they'll discuss their disagreement over contraception. Then Joe Biden said, 'I didn't even know they were dating.'
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In an interview last night, Rick Perry criticized Mitt Romney for flip-flopping on the issues. Romney said that Perry has no idea what he's talking about. Then he added, 'But he does know what he's talking about.'
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Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, 'But just for Lent. We'll start again on Monday.'
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It was the 60th anniversary of 'Face the Nation.' During his interview, President Obama said, 'Our country doesn't fear the future. We grab it.' Nothing says you grab the future like going on a 60-year-old show hosted by a 77-year-old-man to speak to a 90-year-old audience.
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A new survey found that 12 percent of parents punish their kids by banning social networking sites. The other 88 percent punish their kids by joining social networking sites.
Jimmy Fallon
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I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake and made a wish, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I threw a coin into a fountain, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I saw a shooting star, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.'
Jimmy Fallon