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I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep.
Jimmy Fallon
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Jimmy Fallon
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: September 19
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
James Thomas Fallon
James Thomas Jimmy Fallon
James Thoms Fallon
James Fallon
Last
Dumb
Funny
Definitely
Fall
Laugh
Give
Late
Giving
Laughing
Something
Anyone
Attention
Asleep
Lasts
Seconds
More quotes by Jimmy Fallon
George W. Bush gave a commencement speech at Southern Methodist University this weekend. It was pretty inspirational. He said, 'As I like to tell the 'C' students, you too can be president.' Even George W. Bush has George W. Bush comedy material in his act.
Jimmy Fallon
The big news is the midterm elections. Last night Republicans picked up a dozen seats in the House to give them their biggest majority since World War II. Or as they put it, 'Time to party like it's 1939!'
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Even the White House is weighing in on the deflate-gate scandal. Yesterday they encouraged Tom Brady to 'be mindful of the way he serves as a role model.' And then President Obama stuffed out his cigarette and went golfing at noon on a weekday.
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I can't believe there are so many people who aren't us.
Jimmy Fallon
Senate Democrats blocked President Obama's trade bill yesterday because they're worried it could hurt jobs. It's not an issue for Republicans, since they've all found work as presidential candidates.
Jimmy Fallon
Joe Biden will speak to the nation's largest gay rights group during a human rights convention on Friday. Then on Saturday, he is scheduled to speak to them again to apologize for whatever he said in Friday's speech.
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MSNBC host Lawrence O'Donnell is saying Donald Trump lied when he said he made $20 million a year off his 'Apprentice' series on NBC. NBC also denied Trump's claim, saying, 'We don't have $20 million. We're NBC.'
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Thinking about all that - what it means to be happy - I think it overloaded your brain.
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It's Friday. That's one reason to celebrate. Also, it's the first day in a long time when no one declared they're running for president.
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There are reports that French President Francois Hollande had an affair with an actress who is 18 years younger than him. It's pretty serious. Under French law, he could face up to 30 high fives.
Jimmy Fallon
According to a new poll, 48 percent of Americans believe that Hillary Clinton is honest and trustworthy. Then Hillary said, 'Actually I just made that poll up.'
Jimmy Fallon
Republican candidate Ben Carson told reporters he thinks American prisons might be too comfortable. As opposed to Mexican prisons that have personal showers with $5 million escape tunnels.
Jimmy Fallon
There are reports that Kim Jong Un climbed North Korea's highest mountain. Kim Jong Un said all it took to climb that mountain was hard work, determination, and lying about climbing that mountain.
Jimmy Fallon
I like living with myself. I mean obviously, because here I am interviewing myself.
Jimmy Fallon
The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him.
Jimmy Fallon
Live your life by doing activities that are beneficial
Jimmy Fallon
Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks.
Jimmy Fallon
You're sitting there, with your wife and your baby and your smiling dog, and you're watching Real Housewives getting into fistfights on TV. And you go, 'How great is my life? I'm so happy right now.'
Jimmy Fallon
It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives.
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Donald Trump told ABC news that if he had Oprah as a running mate, they could easily win. Although you know who'd definitely win? Oprah WITHOUT Donald Trump.
Jimmy Fallon