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Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.
Jimmy Fallon
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Jimmy Fallon
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: September 19
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
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Television Actor
Television Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
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Brooklyn
New York
James Thomas Fallon
James Thomas Jimmy Fallon
James Thoms Fallon
James Fallon
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Stretching
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More quotes by Jimmy Fallon
A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage.
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When you have a baby, sleep is not an option. You can't sleep. Even on vacation, you wake up at 6:30 a.m.
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This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone else.'
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Both President Obama and former President George W. Bush were interviewed on 'Face the Nation' over the weekend. President Bush said there's a 50 percent chance his brother Jeb will run for president in 2016. Then he said, 'But there's an 80 percent chance he won't.'
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I'm not a big baseball fan, to be honest.
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You're sitting there, with your wife and your baby and your smiling dog, and you're watching Real Housewives getting into fistfights on TV. And you go, 'How great is my life? I'm so happy right now.'
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Lincoln Chafee, former governor of Rhode Island, announced he's running for president. Before he announced he's running, his wife went on Facebook and asked his staff if they remembered his password. Because if a Facebook password is too hard to remember, the launch codes for the nukes should be a piece of cake.
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Donald Trump got in some trouble for saying that John McCain is not a war hero, and said, 'I like people that weren't captured.' Not good. In fact, Trump's people are telling him to lay low for a while until this all combs over.
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Today Russia announced that it will join America's fight with the terror group ISIS. Then Putin said, But I did not say which side.
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...Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me.
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Republicans also took control of the Senate after gaining another seven seats. I haven't seen the GOP get this many seats since Chris Christie made an airline reservation.
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We have a really, really great dog. It doesn't bark. My dog almost smiles, which is weird. He's just a very happy dog.
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The Pentagon banned the army from using Chinese-made berets. In a more veiled slap at the Chinese, the Pentagon also banned any alternative form of checkers.
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Ten Delta Airlines baggage handlers were arrested for smuggling drugs into Detroit. Yeah, you can tell Delta was involved, because the drugs were supposed to be smuggled into Chicago.
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Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration thing.
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Apparently President Obama's favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, 'On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.'
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A recent study found that people lie more when they are texting. Yeah, especially that one lie: Sorry, just got your text!
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This week the Obama administration warned China to remove its secret agents from the U.S. Then in the middle of Obama's announcement a plant behind him got up and walked away.
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Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I'd have an excuse.
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President Obama is getting a new limousine that will have advanced night-vision capabilities. The technology even has a cool name ... headlights.
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