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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

Jimmy Carr

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TAGS & TOPICS

Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Class
May
Hard
Als
Middle

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
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I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
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When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.
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I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
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There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
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After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
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When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
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A big girl once came up to me after a show and said I think you're fatist. I said No, no. I think you're fattest.
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