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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Instead
Wrong
Thought
Think
Thinking
Bomb
Hussein
Bombs

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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.
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My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.
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Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.
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I don't see myself as offending people.
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
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Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture the most resonant of them get lodged in the language in the same way as clichés or old wives' tales do.
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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
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All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.
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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
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I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
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If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
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