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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Wrong
Thought
Think
Thinking
Bomb
Hussein
Bombs
Instead

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
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After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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A big girl once came up to me after a show and said I think you're fatist. I said No, no. I think you're fattest.
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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
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When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
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