Quote

Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Like
Dogs
Dog
Sex
Except
Magic
Bits
Saying
Believe

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
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If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
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A big girl once came up to me after a show and said I think you're fatist. I said No, no. I think you're fattest.
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If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
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When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
Jimmy Carr
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
Jimmy Carr
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I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
Jimmy Carr
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
Jimmy Carr
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
Jimmy Carr
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There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
Jimmy Carr
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
Jimmy Carr
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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
Jimmy Carr
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It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
Jimmy Carr
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
Jimmy Carr
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I don't see myself as offending people.
Jimmy Carr
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
Jimmy Carr