Quote

Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Like
Dogs
Dog
Sex
Except
Magic
Bits
Saying
Believe

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
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All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.
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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
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There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
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When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
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A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
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The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.
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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
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