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Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.
Jimmy Carr
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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Dog
Sex
Except
Magic
Bits
Saying
Believe
Like
Dogs
More quotes by Jimmy Carr
I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
Jimmy Carr
You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
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I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
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After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
Jimmy Carr
Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
Jimmy Carr
When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
Jimmy Carr
I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.
Jimmy Carr
I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
Jimmy Carr