Quote

Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Magic
Bits
Saying
Believe
Like
Dogs
Dog
Sex
Except

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
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All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.
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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
Jimmy Carr
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
Jimmy Carr
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
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Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.
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Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture the most resonant of them get lodged in the language in the same way as clichés or old wives' tales do.
Jimmy Carr
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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.
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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
Jimmy Carr
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I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
Jimmy Carr
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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
Jimmy Carr
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Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
Jimmy Carr
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A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
Jimmy Carr
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It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
Jimmy Carr