Quote

Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Bits
Saying
Believe
Like
Dogs
Dog
Sex
Except
Magic

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
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After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
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I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
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I don't see myself as offending people.
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TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
Jimmy Carr
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
Jimmy Carr
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I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
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If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
Jimmy Carr
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
Jimmy Carr
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You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
Jimmy Carr
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
Jimmy Carr
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You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.
Jimmy Carr
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
Jimmy Carr
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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
Jimmy Carr
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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
Jimmy Carr
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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
Jimmy Carr