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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Cats
Cat
Legs
Walk
Walks
Make
Robot
Like
Tubes
Robots

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it
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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
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You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
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After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
Jimmy Carr
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
Jimmy Carr
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Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
Jimmy Carr
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
Jimmy Carr
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
Jimmy Carr
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
Jimmy Carr