Quote

The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.

Jimmy Carr

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Probably
Medal
Funny
Olympics
Money
Billion
Two
Billions
Going
Price
Medals
London
Bankrupt
Cost
Bronze
Humor
Cycling

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

Image
Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
Jimmy Carr
Image
You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
Jimmy Carr
Image
Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
Jimmy Carr
Image
I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
Jimmy Carr
Image
When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
Jimmy Carr
Image
British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
Jimmy Carr
Image
Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
Jimmy Carr
Image
I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
Jimmy Carr
Image
My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
Jimmy Carr
Image
But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
Jimmy Carr
Image
I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
Jimmy Carr
Image
Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
Jimmy Carr
Image
I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
Jimmy Carr
Image
Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
Jimmy Carr
Image
The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
Jimmy Carr
Image
Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.
Jimmy Carr
Image
I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.
Jimmy Carr
Image
I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
Jimmy Carr
Image
I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
Jimmy Carr
Image
There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
Jimmy Carr