Quote

My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Given
Advice
Mum
Anything
Doors
Bike
Best
Humor
Bedroom
Ever
Told
Secretary
Time
Saying
Upset
Nice
Dad
Asks
Door
Surprisingly
Funny
Sex
Burst

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
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There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
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My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
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Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
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I don't see myself as offending people.
Jimmy Carr
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A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
Jimmy Carr
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When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
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TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.
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I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
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A big girl once came up to me after a show and said I think you're fatist. I said No, no. I think you're fattest.
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
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I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it
Jimmy Carr