Quote

There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
First
Humor
Girlfriend
Things
Worry
Perform
Time
Guy
Failed
Think
Wrong
Happenings
Thinking
Funny
Faults
Happens
Happening
Two
Guys
Sexually
Firsts
Second
Fault

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I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
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When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
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If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
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When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture the most resonant of them get lodged in the language in the same way as clichés or old wives' tales do.
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
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Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
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Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.
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Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
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It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
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I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
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