Quote

Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Instruction
Away
Keep
Children
Kind
Men
Think
Viagra
Thinking
Instructions

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
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My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
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When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
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If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
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When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
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I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.
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Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
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When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
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You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
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I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it
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