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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Kind
Men
Think
Viagra
Thinking
Instructions
Instruction
Away
Keep
Children

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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
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Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
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A big girl once came up to me after a show and said I think you're fatist. I said No, no. I think you're fattest.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
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Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
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I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.
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When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.
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Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.
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Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
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I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
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Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture the most resonant of them get lodged in the language in the same way as clichés or old wives' tales do.
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