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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Children
Kind
Men
Viagra
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Instructions
Thinking
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Away
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More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
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I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
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All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
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It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
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Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.
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You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
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There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
Jimmy Carr
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
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Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.
Jimmy Carr
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I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.
Jimmy Carr
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
Jimmy Carr
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The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.
Jimmy Carr