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Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Superhero
Disaster
Since
Stills
Still
Years
Chernobyl
Eighteen

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When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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I don't see myself as offending people.
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Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
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After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
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You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.
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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
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