Quote

When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
House
Come
Make
Always
People
Option
Vegetarian
Dinner

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
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My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
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TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture the most resonant of them get lodged in the language in the same way as clichés or old wives' tales do.
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When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.
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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
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All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it
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