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You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
Jimmy Carr
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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
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Disabled
Experience
Disability
Wells
Comics
Well
Joke
Different
Jokes
World
Fine
Race
More quotes by Jimmy Carr
I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
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A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
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A big girl once came up to me after a show and said I think you're fatist. I said No, no. I think you're fattest.
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.
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I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.
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The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
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