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I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
Jimmy Carr
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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
South
Brownies
Front
Trip
Yeah
Guide
Saws
Rough
Thought
Holding
School
Guides
Book
France
Looker
Fronts
Brownie
More quotes by Jimmy Carr
But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.
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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
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My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
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A big girl once came up to me after a show and said I think you're fatist. I said No, no. I think you're fattest.
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
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It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
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A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
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Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
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After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
Jimmy Carr