Quote

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Alone
Funny
Nans
Fall
Joking
Doe
Falls
Make
Noise
Humor
Dead
Worry

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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
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When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
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When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
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Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
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Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
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TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.
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Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
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Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture the most resonant of them get lodged in the language in the same way as clichés or old wives' tales do.
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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
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I don't see myself as offending people.
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
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