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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
Jimmy Carr
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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Things
Obvious
Would
Saws
Dies
Help
Show
Helping
Shows
Thought
Shout
More quotes by Jimmy Carr
When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
Jimmy Carr
There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
Jimmy Carr
A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
Jimmy Carr
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
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If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
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Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.
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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
Jimmy Carr
I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
Jimmy Carr
Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
Jimmy Carr
I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
Jimmy Carr
I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
Jimmy Carr
I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
Jimmy Carr
I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
Jimmy Carr
Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
Jimmy Carr
It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
Jimmy Carr
