Quote

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Enough
Fair
Children
Harm
Ashtray
Scientist
Ashtrays
British
Cigarettes
Humor
Demonstrated
Comedy
Cigarette
Funny
Scientists
Use
Fairs

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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
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Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
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Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture the most resonant of them get lodged in the language in the same way as clichés or old wives' tales do.
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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.
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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
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When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
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You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
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