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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
Jimmy Carr
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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
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Fairs
Enough
Fair
Children
Harm
Ashtray
Scientist
Ashtrays
British
Cigarettes
Humor
Demonstrated
Comedy
Cigarette
Funny
Scientists
More quotes by Jimmy Carr
I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
Jimmy Carr
I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
Jimmy Carr
When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.
Jimmy Carr
I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
Jimmy Carr
Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
Jimmy Carr
Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
Jimmy Carr
All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.
Jimmy Carr
The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
Jimmy Carr
Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.
Jimmy Carr
I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.
Jimmy Carr
I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
Jimmy Carr
When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
Jimmy Carr
Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
Jimmy Carr
There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
Jimmy Carr
I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
Jimmy Carr
I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
Jimmy Carr
After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
Jimmy Carr
I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
Jimmy Carr
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
Jimmy Carr
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
Jimmy Carr
