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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Perfect
Cook
Funny
Cooks
Easy
Bought
Book
Girlfriend
Cooking
Humor
Comedy
Vegetarian
Called
Cheap

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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
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TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.
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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
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Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
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Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
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If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
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All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
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After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
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My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
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A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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