Quote

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Easy
Bought
Book
Girlfriend
Cooking
Humor
Comedy
Vegetarian
Called
Cheap
Perfect
Cook
Funny
Cooks

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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
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Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture the most resonant of them get lodged in the language in the same way as clichés or old wives' tales do.
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The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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A big girl once came up to me after a show and said I think you're fatist. I said No, no. I think you're fattest.
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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
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There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
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