Quote

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Homeless
Seats
Humor
Comedy
Nice
Funny
Many
Bums
Gigs

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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I don't see myself as offending people.
Jimmy Carr
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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
Jimmy Carr
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Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
Jimmy Carr
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It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
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When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
Jimmy Carr
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
Jimmy Carr
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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
Jimmy Carr
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When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
Jimmy Carr
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
Jimmy Carr
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
Jimmy Carr
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
Jimmy Carr
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TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.
Jimmy Carr
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You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.
Jimmy Carr
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
Jimmy Carr
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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
Jimmy Carr
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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
Jimmy Carr
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
Jimmy Carr
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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
Jimmy Carr