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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Fighting
Funny
Boxers
Fancy
Sex
Humor
Fight
Comedy

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
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I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
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TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.
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There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
Jimmy Carr
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When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
Jimmy Carr
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
Jimmy Carr
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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
Jimmy Carr
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.
Jimmy Carr
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Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.
Jimmy Carr
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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
Jimmy Carr
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Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture the most resonant of them get lodged in the language in the same way as clichés or old wives' tales do.
Jimmy Carr
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I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
Jimmy Carr