Quote

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Never
Phones
Sex
Answer
Answers
Talk
Hilariously
Remember
Tunnel
Even
Tunnels
Going
Phone

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I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
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Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.
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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
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If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
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Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture the most resonant of them get lodged in the language in the same way as clichés or old wives' tales do.
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