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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
Jimmy Carr
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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
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James Anthony Patrick Carr
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Jokes
More quotes by Jimmy Carr
I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
Jimmy Carr
I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
Jimmy Carr
Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
Jimmy Carr
Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
Jimmy Carr
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'
Jimmy Carr
When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
Jimmy Carr
I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
Jimmy Carr
A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
Jimmy Carr
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.
Jimmy Carr
I don't see myself as offending people.
Jimmy Carr
TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.
Jimmy Carr
When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
Jimmy Carr
I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
Jimmy Carr
Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
Jimmy Carr
I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
Jimmy Carr
Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
Jimmy Carr
