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A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Sound
True
Implausible
Surprising
Jokes
Amount

More quotes by Jimmy Carr

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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.
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When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
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All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.
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Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
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Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying Can I have a new bike?. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
Jimmy Carr
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
Jimmy Carr
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
Jimmy Carr
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
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You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
Jimmy Carr
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A big girl once came up to me after a show and said I think you're fatist. I said No, no. I think you're fattest.
Jimmy Carr
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Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
Jimmy Carr