Quote

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Humor
Spare
Minutes
Spares
Funny
Lady
Done
Stopped
Right
Cancer
Much
Street
Research
Streets
Clipboards

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Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.
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Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
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Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
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If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
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If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
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All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
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I don't see myself as offending people.
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
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When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!
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I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
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It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
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The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.
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There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
Jimmy Carr