Quote

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 15
Comedian
Film Actor
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
James Anthony Patrick Carr
Streets
Clipboards
Humor
Spare
Minutes
Spares
Funny
Lady
Done
Stopped
Right
Cancer
Much
Street
Research

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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was?
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A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
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If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.
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I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
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After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
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Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
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A big girl once came up to me after a show and said I think you're fatist. I said No, no. I think you're fattest.
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
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Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
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Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.
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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
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I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
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There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys. Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?
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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
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I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
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I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
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If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
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