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My whole existence is spent just trying to not shove bad food in my fat face. It's like a constant struggle. I'll do really good for a while, and then I do bad, then I do really good.

Jim Norton

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Jim Norton
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: May 17
Comedian
Sports Commentator
Charlotte
North Carolina
Like
Struggle
Food
Existence
Face
Whole
Trying
Shove
Really
Spent
Good
Constant

More quotes by Jim Norton

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For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
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The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
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I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.
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That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?
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While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.
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You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.
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What a coincidence, they both go to College and I'm a rapist!
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Apologies our cultural obsession with them isn't about actually being offended, or simply needing to hear, “I'm sorry.” It's not really about right or wrong. It's about wanting to throw a rock in the dark and hear something break.
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My job is to express who I am and what I hate about the country and what I love about it and what I hate about myself and what I love about myself and to make you laugh while I'm doing it.
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You look like a diabetic strip club owner.
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I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open
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Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.
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That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.
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I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.
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God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.
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What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
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No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.
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Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.
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I should call myself four market Norton. I'm great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey.
Jim Norton
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People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your fault. That's why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish.
Jim Norton