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I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

Jim Norton

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Jim Norton
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: May 17
Comedian
Sports Commentator
Charlotte
North Carolina
Rooms
Already
Funny
Miscarriage
Hope
Decorated
Floor
Baby
Room
Humor

More quotes by Jim Norton

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My whole existence is spent just trying to not shove bad food in my fat face. It's like a constant struggle. I'll do really good for a while, and then I do bad, then I do really good.
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What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
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Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.
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I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open
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That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.
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Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.
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That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?
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You look like a diabetic strip club owner.
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What a coincidence, they both go to College and I'm a rapist!
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I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.
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For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
Jim Norton
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God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.
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Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.
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There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.
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I should call myself four market Norton. I'm great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey.
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People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your fault. That's why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish.
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They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.
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The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
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No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.
Jim Norton
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Apologies our cultural obsession with them isn't about actually being offended, or simply needing to hear, “I'm sorry.” It's not really about right or wrong. It's about wanting to throw a rock in the dark and hear something break.
Jim Norton