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I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

Jim Norton

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Jim Norton
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: May 17
Comedian
Sports Commentator
Charlotte
North Carolina
Baby
Room
Humor
Rooms
Already
Funny
Miscarriage
Hope
Decorated
Floor

More quotes by Jim Norton

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My job is to express who I am and what I hate about the country and what I love about it and what I hate about myself and what I love about myself and to make you laugh while I'm doing it.
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My whole existence is spent just trying to not shove bad food in my fat face. It's like a constant struggle. I'll do really good for a while, and then I do bad, then I do really good.
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I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.
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I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.
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What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
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What a coincidence, they both go to College and I'm a rapist!
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While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.
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That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?
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You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.
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Apologies our cultural obsession with them isn't about actually being offended, or simply needing to hear, “I'm sorry.” It's not really about right or wrong. It's about wanting to throw a rock in the dark and hear something break.
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God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.
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No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.
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There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.
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Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.
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They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.
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That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.
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Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.
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For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
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The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
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Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.
Jim Norton