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I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

Jim Norton

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Jim Norton
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: May 17
Comedian
Sports Commentator
Charlotte
North Carolina
Hope
Decorated
Floor
Baby
Room
Humor
Rooms
Already
Funny
Miscarriage

More quotes by Jim Norton

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That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?
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There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.
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You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.
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For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
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No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.
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What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
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While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.
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You look like a diabetic strip club owner.
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God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.
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That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.
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I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.
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I should call myself four market Norton. I'm great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey.
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People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your fault. That's why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish.
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Apologies our cultural obsession with them isn't about actually being offended, or simply needing to hear, “I'm sorry.” It's not really about right or wrong. It's about wanting to throw a rock in the dark and hear something break.
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The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
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I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open
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Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.
Jim Norton
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They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.
Jim Norton
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My whole existence is spent just trying to not shove bad food in my fat face. It's like a constant struggle. I'll do really good for a while, and then I do bad, then I do really good.
Jim Norton
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I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.
Jim Norton