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I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

Jim Norton

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Jim Norton
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: May 17
Comedian
Sports Commentator
Charlotte
North Carolina
Humor
Rooms
Already
Funny
Miscarriage
Hope
Decorated
Floor
Baby
Room

More quotes by Jim Norton

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Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.
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Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.
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That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.
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I should call myself four market Norton. I'm great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey.
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The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
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Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.
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You look like a diabetic strip club owner.
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What a coincidence, they both go to College and I'm a rapist!
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People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your fault. That's why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish.
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I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.
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They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.
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No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.
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My whole existence is spent just trying to not shove bad food in my fat face. It's like a constant struggle. I'll do really good for a while, and then I do bad, then I do really good.
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While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.
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That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?
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For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
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My job is to express who I am and what I hate about the country and what I love about it and what I hate about myself and what I love about myself and to make you laugh while I'm doing it.
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God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.
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I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.
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There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.
Jim Norton